highlighters ready

for a long time i've wondered if there's more to this life of following jesus than not-to-do lists, impressive buildings, and extravagant programs designed to attract the masses. after 5 years in suburbia it all seems very comfortable. . . and very empty. i've been fortunate enough to have seen a few communities around the country where people's lives have been totally turned around by the gospel of jesus. these people have found it impossible to keep living in pursuit of the american dream when confronted with the love of god. there are many whose stories and lives will tell that they have been "messed up" by jesus.

most of the time i don't think my life or the lives of the people i see around me look any different than anybody else's, except for our list of things we abstain from and the number of hours we spend at church. we're very comfy, very safe, and we tend to stay away from things that are difficult or scary. but i don't really want to be comfy. i want to be messed up.

it seems other people have a way of expressing these things much better than i do, so here are some words from the irresistible revolution (which you should read):

"i'm not sure the christian gospel always draws a crowd. people may not stand in line for a roman cross; after all, it's hard enough to wait in line at the shopping mall. the invitation to come and suffer may prove to be quite inconvenient and not as sexy as the cool culture we are taught to emulate. there may be plenty of spectators, skeptics, or antagonists, but followers may be hard to come by. sometimes i wonder, amid the crowds, if we are really preaching the gospel.

in fact, if our lives are easy, we must be doing something wrong. mother teresa used to say 'following jesus is simple, but not easy. love until it hurts, and then love more.'"

and finally, writing about a time he heard rich mullins speak (i love the tongue-in-cheek):
"rich stood up in chapel and said, 'you guys are all into that born-again thing, which is great. we do need to be born again, since jesus said that to a guy named nicodemus. but if you tell me i have to be born again to enter the kingdom of god, i can tell you that you have to sell everything you have and give it to the poor, because jesus said that to one guy too... but i guess that's why god invented highlighters, so we can highlight the parts we like and ignore all the rest.'"

this american jesus we have created does not look like the son of god who came here to turn things on their head, who told us to be first we have to be last, whose kingdom belongs to the meek, the poor, and the oppressed. our american jesus would rather drink starbucks and shop in naperville than give up his riches and comfort for the poor. if we are his hands and feet, if we are what people see jesus to be (as he said they should), then that is the picture they get.

i want to meet the jesus who will mess me up. i want to know what this kingdom of god, what this life of discipleship is really about. he's in the gospels, and so is his kingdom, and that's where i'm searching for him. i want to find the parts we've neglected with our highlighters. i'll keep you posted along the way. and if there's anyone else wanting to be messed up, jump in for the ride.

lost in the city....again

today yvonne and i got lost in chicago (we do this a lot). it was nice to know that this time it wasn't our fault. the blue line was down, so we had to think on our feet and find alternative means of transportation. it only took us about a 1/2 hour longer to get to science and industry, which has an AWESOME harry potter exhibit, for all you chicagoans. we took a cab back and chatted the whole time with the cabbie, who informed us he was from ghana and had been in america longer than we had, although he didn't sound like it.

while we were still trying to make it to the museum, and yvonne pulled out her gps (since neither of us knew which direction the lake was), i watched a guy who appeared to be homeless dig through a trash bin and pull out something that looked like a playbill. when we finally figured out which direction to go, we walked past him sitting on a bench reading what he had pulled out - a program from the chicago lyric opera. if you ever want your paradigm shifted, watch a homeless guy read about opera. worked for me.

treatment

i'm working a combination of claritin-d (i upgraded), breathe right nasal strips, and (of course) nasal spray. progress is slow, but steady.

sick

so i've had a pretty much constant sinus infection since november (or so). i've been through antibiotics, bought a neti pot, used a humdifier, tried sudafed and claritin, and have gone through more afrin than i care to think about. it will not go away. i'm now completely at a loss. i don't know what else to do. and i've discovered something about myself. i really don't care for the doctor. i don't even know how to successfully use the medical system. (thankfully) i've never been really sick, so i've always self-medicated and the problem goes away. now that the problem isn't going away, i don't know what to do.

any ideas.....?

spring cleaning

i love when i get to clean my apartment, and i'm not ashamed to admit it. i look forward all week to those blessed hours after i get out of class on saturday and i can actually do the dishes that have piled up, wipe the dust bunnies off the bookshelves, and vaccuum up a week's worth of hair and crumbs. with a closet full of clean clothes and windows through which you can actually see the sun shine, the world becomes a very happy place.

technology time-travel

it's 3:38 am. major sinus drainage is keeping me up. this would be a great time to work on my wiki project for my british history class. instead i've been on facebook for the past hour. so very productive.

technology is one of those things that always seems to be right outside my grasp. in honor of the many technological obsessions that steal our time, tonight i'd like to retrace my own technological journey.

1997: using my friend's computer, i create my first email address: dArtagnan14@yahoo.com. i didn't know then that your email address really should be something most people can spell. in reverance to that original email, i have never changed the password. it is still the name of my boyfriend at the time. hack away. also through my friend i am introduced to the wonder of something called "instant messaging". why pick up the phone and talk to each other when you can send coded cryptic messages through a machine? LOL...right?

1999: my family gets its first computer, just in time (thank god) for me to type my senior research paper. it does not, however, have internet.

1999-2000: during my first two years at drake, i foolishly spend $250 to particpate in a program called "mac-in-the-room." current drake students, with their flat-screen tvs and wiis in the common rooms can have no idea what this was like. for that small fee i was able to rent an ancient (and i do mean ancient - drake alum holla if you hear me) mac computer with a dot-matrix printer. do you hear me??? dot-matrix! as in the printers that pull paper through with the holes on the sides. you had to tear the sheets of paper apart using perforation. there was one good side to this antiquated system: 24-hour instant messaging.. oh yes, the thrill of messaging a person you can see across the hall or even across the room - nothing can compare.

2001: my first cell phone. not really mine, and for emergencies only. it was a nextel given to me by my parents so we could use the radio feature to talk to each other. i have to say that to this day i still can't stand that radio beep sound that nextel phones make.

2002: i get a real computer!! a used acer, nothing fancy, but for the love of pete, it's a normal computer that can run software newer than 10 years old. instant messaging still prevails. i also receive my first tv and vcr of my own. i actually sat on this tv in walmart at 5am on the day after thanksgiving, thinking it was a gift for my cousin and trying to prevent anyone else from getting it at all costs.

2003: i move into an apartment with some other girls and experience for the first time the magic of dvds. i wonder: now what do i do with my vhs of braveheart?

2004: i graduate, move home, and (hallelujah) get a real cell phone. it doens't take long before i can't imagine what i did without it. i also buy a new computer - a dell with a (dum da dum!) 17-inch flat screen. i am on top of the technological world.

2005: i move out and somehow i live an entire year with no cable or internet. god knows how many times i watched lord of the rings on dvd (i now have my own $35 wal-mart dvd player). this is a major step backward.

2006: i finally get cable and internet and i become technologically fashion-forward when my phone dies and i upgrade to a razr. oh, i loved that phone.....i was finally cool. it is also around this time that i discover myspace. holy timewasters, batman. to top it off, this is the year i experience the joy of owning my first mp3 player, which i received for christmas. it weighed at least 4 pounds and wasn't compatible with any itunes products. i loved it.

2007: i engage in a long debate over myspace vs. facebook. my world is enlightened by photo uplads, backgrounds and mood updates. i discover the uncharted world of free music downloads and cram my computer with as much as kazaa will give me.

2008: i officially make the switch to facebook. it really is better. or was, until the "new facebook" arrived. now i'm friends with people i hardly know, and it makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside. but at this moment, when all is right with the world, tragedy strikes. i drop my razr in the toilet. it dies a short and very spastic death. being four months away from renewing my contract and broke by nature, i am forced to resign to some samsung thing i could care less about. i cry over the blackberries before i leave the store. but alas, my technology troubles were far from over. apparently you can only download so much stuff to your computer without any real virus protection software without it totally freaking out on you - which it did. the only solution - wipe out the hard drive. music, pictures, all of it - gone. and yet out of this technological darkness a beacon of light appears - i get an ipod. and being broke by nature, it fit that this ipod was a gift. ah, a whole new world to explore - itunes, podcasts, and what is a genius sidebar? this is also the year i attempt blogging for the first time. no one really reads it (except kristin - hi kristin :) but i plug away because hey, we've all got something to say, right? escpecially at 4am....

2009: this has become the year of text-messaging packages, the year of finally learning how to listen to podcasts, the year of blog following and formatting, the year of twitter, and of course, an ever deepening relationship with facebook. and maybe if i finally manage to save some money, a phone with a full keyboard. one can only hope.

financial aid

i have to give credit to the money-schmoozing section of my alma mater. they really know what they're doing. they have some cute, naive freshman call you. they ask you about your experience at drake. what did you do? where did you live? wasn't it great? they ask you for advice. they get you all nostalgic and then they ask you for money. how could you refuse when you've just sung the praises of the university and this poor freshman is existing on alumni-based scholarships and ramen noodles?? they start with a $250 donation - i tell them to call the pharmacy majors. they ask for a $100 donation - i tell them i'm living in my car on the south side of chicago. they ask for a $50 donation - i hang up.

i feel bad for that freshman, he really did seem nice. i knew i should not have picked up a call from a random 515 number. i guess they'll just have to take out loans. like we did.